I Didn’t Know ‘Pumpkin Spice’ Was the Street Term for Crabs

I Lived it:

It started when I was enjoying the fall colors on the trees and I wanted to tweet about it, so I just wrote “I love watching the colors change #PSL!!” I added #PSL at the end because, like, everyone totally does that when they talk about autumn. Even my friend Brittany on Twitter was like, “I just had sex with eight different dudes at the bar last night #PSL” because sex is totally a thing you do in autumn! But when I did it, all these people replied, “eww your gross” [sic] and “dude you should get that shit checked out” and it’s like I’m not a dude??? But anyway that made me wonder what I had said?.


You guys, I didn’t know that pumpkin spice was the street term for crabs!? I thought it was flavor you add to stuff?? My friend Brittany just told me what it actually means and I feel like such an idiot!


When I went to the coffee shop and ordered a Pumpkin Spice Latte last week, all the baristas’ heads turned and they were like, eye-judging me? Except this one barista who was totally eye-fucking me. But anyway nobody made me a latte and I was like, “wth???” And then the cashier told me to leave.
So I asked my friend Brittany and my friend Brittany was like, “UM.”

And I was like, “What???”



And my friend Brittany was like, “That’s just the street term for Crabs.”


And I was like, “O_O”.


I guess now that I think about it, the Pumpkin Spice scones and bagels are always like, covered in these little black dots. But I always thought that was flecked pepper, or tiny chocolate balls or whatever.


Ugh, I literally feel like such an idiot. Anyway if any of you out there are all “I’ll have a PSL #PSL #PSL” you should probably know that it means crabs. So unless you actually have crabs (gross) you probably shouldn’t be all “PSL.” Anyway, gotta go go have unprotected sex now so we’ll #PSL later. #PSL


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