How to Write A Cute Tinder Bio That Won’t Reveal You Killed Your Sister

Online dating is hard, especially on an app that makes people choose as quickly as Tinder. It can be hard to know exactly what to say, or how to keep the secret that you once murdered your sister. Here are some examples for bios to keep his focus on you, and not what you did to Elizabeth.

 

“I LOVE to travel! But I’ve never been to Mexico.”

Guys on Tinder wants women who love to travel, as this means one day you can go on exotic adventures together! List some countries that you’ve enjoyed, avoid mentioning the family vacation to Acapulco where Elizabeth “accidentally” drowned.

 

“I’m looking for a guy who is mature, open and mentally stable, like me. I’m a mentally stable person.”

This bio states that you are a grown, self-respecting woman who wants an equally mature partner, one who is just as stable as you seem to be these days. It’s important to have stability…

 

“I love trying new things, but not weird new things! Just reasonable things!”

Entering a relationship with another person may mean leaving your comfort zone and trying new things. This statement lets him know you’re open to things such as rock climbing or pumpkin picking, but nothing criminal– especially not murder.

 

“I love my friends! Friends are like the family you choose! Not that anything is wrong with my actual family. Anymore.”

You’re a fun and friendly person who values their close-knit group of girlfriends, because they’d never steal your clothes, or call you fat, or remind you everyday that you’re not your parents’ favorite. Nope.

 

 

“I’m extremely carefree, sweet and innocent (legally speaking)!”

Guys go weak at the knees for girls who are sweet, easygoing, and have never been incarcerated. The subtle use of the word ‘innocent’ here will make that clear to him.

 

“I’m open and honest, but a little mystery keeps the spark alive! We can share our lives, but don’t need to share EVERY single secret we have.”

 

Communication is key to a healthy relationship! He needs to know that if you start dating, you’ll always have some boundaries. It’s also key that he never, ever finds out that Elizabeth even existed, or sees the look in your eyes when her name is mentioned and you’re brought back to the moment you watched her drown in that hotel pool while you stood watching, laughing, knowing everyone else was asleep and you weren’t going to help her.

 

 

“I have a dog, but love all animals! I’d never hurt a fly or human such as my sister.”

 

Again, keep it subtle! The simple mention that you’d never kill your sister will make him clear on the subject. Just make sure to use the word ‘never’ instead of ‘in August 2012’.

 

 

“I didn’t do it!”

 

Simple, straightforward and mysterious! Keep that spark alive, ladies. “Didn’t do what?” He’ll ask when he messages you. At this point you can say anything! The ‘it’ can mean, “joined Tinder only for hook-ups,” because you didn’t. You joined Tinder for the chance to find a loving boyfriend who WON’T BETRAY YOU LIKE ELIZABETH DID!

 

 

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

 

90% of single men list a good sense of humor as a top priority in a date, so just put as many ‘hahas’ as the bio has space for. Besides, laughter is the best medicine! Laughter and the cocktail of mood stabilizers that have prevented you from killing since the morning you “discovered” your sister’s body. HAHAHAHA!

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