Furniture is expensive, and decorating your apartment can seem like an insurmountable task. But luckily for those of us on a budget, there’s an easy way to turn your shitty furniture into a chic vintage find that doesn’t require paint or carpentry skills. Simply insist that all your guests use coasters and they’ll be tricked into thinking the stuff you own is actually worth preserving!
Transform the coffee table you found by the dumpster by being really precious about coaster use
Sure, that turquoise table in the middle of your living room is covered with stains, and one light kick to a leg could probably send the whole thing tumbling to the floor, but your guests don’t neet to know that! Slap a few coasters on, say, “Whoops, coasters!” every time your friend tries to set his beer down, and it’s now “cottage chic,” not “something that was intended for the garbage that was left outdoors for many, many months.”
Turn your $55 Ikea desk into a DIY kitchen table by covering it with coasters and placemats
You actually shelled out for a piece of new furniture this time, but why not level up by acting like the fake-wood plastic surface will be affected in any way by water damage. And pro tip: Placemats are just giant coasters! So use those two. The next time you have someone over for dinner, make sure you condescendingly say, “In this household, we use coasters.” Sure, it’s a household consisting of you, your four roommates, and a living room full of furniture that used to be in everyone’s mom’s basement, but who cares?! Your things matter.
Repurpose a broken, cobwebby cabinet by putting a coaster on it
You bought that thing at Goodwill for $5, but your parents don’t have to know that the next time they come visit the dump you live in. When your mom sets her coffee down, the presence of the coaster will make her think that you are going for a bohemian aesthetic by choice, rather than necessity. She’ll be so proud of you and your unusual, funky taste! Did you get that at Anthropologie?
With these tips, your furniture can go from drab to fab, and all you have to do is buy some coasters and annoy everyone by insisting they use them. Well, it works for most of your furniture. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to disguise the fact that you found your mattress on the sidewalk, except by naively, insanely choosing to sleep on it every night. Everything’s fine! You’re thriving.