Whether you’re looking to add some spark to your sex life or wishing you could give your vag a makeover that screams “elementary school supplies”, we’ve got you covered. If you love your man and are looking to go to TOWN on that little pencil dick of his, here’s everything you need to know about turning your vag into an electric pencil sharpener so you can flay that dick like a pro! Hang on to your scantrons – here we go!
Reach Inside Your Vag and Until You Find the Power Cord
Deep inside every vag is a magical cord waiting to be uncoiled. Yes, it’s in there – you just never bothered to find it! Make a gerbil shape out of your hand and Richard Gere that thing up into your love-tunnel until you feel a two-pronged poke right where the gerbil would have eyes. Tell your man to get that little dick ready!
Plug Cord into Nearest Outlet Cause It’s A Pencil Sharpener Now
Locate your nearest electrical outlet and plug it in (come on girl, you know how to use an electric pencil sharpener, don’t you?). You may feel a slight tingling and then a deep, professorial rumbling inside of you. That means it’s working! Look down and bear witness to that vicious pussy just waiting to diminish a #2 dick to sawdust.
Shove His Pencil Dick into Your Grindin’ Hole and Flay Away!
Find your beau, grab onto the pencil dick you’d like to flay, and shove it in your grindin’ hole. Your sharpener-vag will vroom and vibrate as it slowly but steadily flays his Dicks-In Ticonderoga into a flurry of dick shavings. The blades of your cervix will get a great workout rapidly slicing his lead-tipped prick into wispy smithereens. He’s gonna love it!
Decide What You’d Like to Do With His Dick Shavings
Some options are: Sweep them into a pile and toss them out the window for your bird friends to enjoy. Vacuum them up and put them in a commemorative jar. Stuff them in a decorative pillow. Just leave them on the floor so you can look at them and say, “Damn I really flayed that dick good.” This is what he’s always wanted and he will be grateful for everything you’ve done.
Have a blast taking your vag back to school! Enjoy widdling that dick down like wooden nickel and go buy yourself a carton of chocolate milk from the cafeteria – you deserve it!