Just like eating vegetables, taking a compliment can make you scream, “No!” at anyone who tries shoving one down your throat. However, it’s time to grow the fuck up and find a way to get them inside your body even if they viscerally make you gag. Here’s how to trick yourself into taking a compliment by just kind of hiding it in your food and swallowing it.
Make It Into a Pizza Crust
If for some reason you’re having trouble taking a compliment, try making it into a pizza crust, because making a pizza crust is easier than responding to kind words with, “Thank you,” like some kind of asshole who already knows they’re good. When you receive a compliment, like, “Your hair looks nice today!” or “You’re doing great at your job!” take that compliment and blend it into a fine flour while shouting, “Oh my God what??” and “Noooo!!” over the blender noises, then mash the flour into a pizza crust and eat it. Congratulations! You just tricked yourself into taking a compliment.
Wrap It In a Ball of Cheese
Soft cheeses make the perfect hiding place for a sincere compliment you don’t want to take because you can’t believe it’s true. Form a ball with the cheese, then wrap it around the compliment you were given and feed it to yourself. You will likely not even notice the taste of the compliment, which tastes something like, “Haha what? Oh no…me? I’m sorry.” This also works with dogs who don’t want to take their flea medication! You’re both basically the same!
Hide It In a Fancy Little Tiramisu
When someone says they like you, why not try sneaking that naked display of emotion in a fancy little tiramisu? Take yourself out to a nice restaurant, tell the staff you’d like to hide something inside your dessert and now voilà! You’ve surprised yourself into taking a compliment. Just like a proposal, a compliment cannot be rejected in public without everyone trying to make it go viral. You’re really under a lot of pressure to say, “Thanks!” now instead of screaming, and that’s pretty much all accepting a compliment entails.
Deep Fry It to Shit
From compliments to okra, there’s nothing you can’t take when it’s deep fried to shit. Just drop that baby in some hot oil and let it fry until it’s one big crunch. Great job!
If someone saying nice things about you to your face makes spittle come from your mouth, try these tips to hide their grotesque honesty in food. You will barely notice what you’re swallowing down!