Ahh, rosé: It’s just about the summeriest wine you can drink! And now that the season is in full swing, you’ll undoubtedly be spending every weekend brunching and guzzling bottle after bottle with your girlfriends. But, what if you actually hate rosé and want to avoid the wrath of your posse and the glares of your judgmental fellow eggs benny eaters? Don’t fret! Here’s how to tell your girl squad that you actually hate rosé without absolutely ruining brunch!
Make up an allergy.
None of your gurlz can fault you if you tell them you’re allergic! Tell them that the sulfates that are created as a byproduct of the rosé fermentation process cause inflammation in your GI tract, or you know, whatever. No one will question it and you can enjoy your avocado toast without having to force chug that overdone pink stuff everyone seems so crazy about!
Incorporate a feminist angle.
Are your besties woke? If so, try incorporating a feminist perspective into your disdain for rosé! Explain to them that the baby pink beverage is specifically marketed toward women and gendered in a way that you cannot endorse as a modern feminist, because you won’t be pandered to by capitalists trying to make a buck off of manufactured feminine identity. It goes against your core beliefs! And even though those core beliefs are actually just you believing that rosé is gross, using your values as an excuse will help you avoid any nastiness while you enjoy your chilaquiles’ deliciousness. Win-win!
Just tell them and accept your excommunication.
If worst comes to worst, it might be prudent to just fess up and admit that rosé is not really your thing. Hopefully, your girls won’t be too upset. But if they are, and your rosé-hating ass does end up excluded from brunches in the future, take solace in knowing that you’ll now be able to spend your weekend mornings eating leftover pizza in bed, free from having to endure the sickly sweetness of a wine that can’t decide what color it is that would befall you had you not been.
Use any of these handy explanations when you need to both maintain the peace at your weekly ladies’ brunch and also avoid having to take even one sip of that bullshit pink wine. You’re welcome!