How to Stop Slut-Shaming Your Whore Sister

Beautiful friends

Women are often the first to vilify other sexually liberated women; especially in the case of that painted harlot you call a sister. Dismantling society’s double standards starts with you, so here are some ways to stop slut-shaming her for all the slutty things she does:

 

Avoid criticizing her clothes. Instead, take an interest: Ask if there’s a special mail-order catalog just for tramps, or if she just takes scissors to stuff from Forever 21. It’s great that she’s so comfortable in her own skin, because she sure does show a lot of it!

 

Don’t be pushy about her choices in men. Be careful about what you say; a few judgmental words could drive her right back into the arms of that bareknuckle boxer with the neck tattoos who breeds pit bulls at in his tow-yard. Or Bryce, that jerk she met in grad school.

 

 

Think of her exploits as a sign that she’s a modern woman. Of course, you never thought that the embodiment of today’s modern woman would mean gagging for any Axe-sprayed skid-mark with a Y chromosome, but to each her own. Just try to reinterpret her whore tendencies as progressive and liberating.

 

Show some concern. Could her behavior be a cry for help? Suggest some restorative yoga with emphasis on poses that keep her sad whore legs together. Child’s pose (no arching that back!) could be a start. Also spritz her with some Gaiam yoga mat spray to cover the stench of latex and strawberry lube – whether you actually smell it or not, it’ll show her you care.

 

When she stumbles downstairs hung over on Thanksgiving, slide her some aspirin and a Bloody Mary. A little “hair of the dog” will help her out, and is a silent reminder that you understand and accept her whore tendencies. Be clear, though, that by “hair of the dog” you don’t mean the back hair she ripped off of her married boss’s back during a tryst behind the Dumpster. When she asks, “What are you talking about?” just silently pass her more aspirin.

 

In the end, we’re all in this sisterhood together, and it gets us nowhere to blame our cock-hungry whore of a sister for just being who she is. So give her a fist-bump, throw out a “You go, girl!” and drive her to the free clinic as soon as you can.

 

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