How To Start a Sentence Intending To Quit Your Job And Finish It By Agreeing To Come To Work Early Tomorrow

So you’re fed up with your job and you’ve finally made the decision to quit. And you’re going to do it. Today. No matter what. You said you’d do it last Friday and then you got scared and bailed, but that’s not going to happen again. Here are some tips on how to start the conversation while ending the conversation with agreeing to work overtime tomorrow!

 

Say, “I quit,” and then don’t.

Your boss won’t know your worth until you stand up for yourself. Like right now, when your he asked you to get coffee for six clients this morning. How are you supposed to carry six coffees? This is why you’re quitting. But wait, do you quit before you get the coffees or after? It would suck if they didn’t have coffee. Oh wait, your boss just asked if you could come in early tomorrow cause the team really needs you, so finish off that thought with a shaky “Yes” followed by an awkward laugh and a lack of eye contact. Okay, just go on this one last coffee run and then give notice tomorrow??

 

Transfer Your Responsibilities Responsibly

It’s important to plan how you’ll transfer your responsibilities so that you have a clear exit plan. But then again, maybe it’s easier to just keep this job so you don’t have to start from the beginning with someone else and learn everything all over again and probably want to quit that job, too. Mike is annoying but he’s annoying in a way that’s manageable and wait oh shit he just asked you if you can stay late today because a deadline just got moved. Finish off your speech with a “Haha sure no problem!!”

 

Write a resignation letter.

Okay, so you bailed again. Your heart started beating really fast and you were sweating and then you remembered how last week Mike said things have been kind of rocky at home since his wife’s grandfather passed away and maybe it isn’t the best time to spring this on him out of nowhere. Try writing a resignation letter instead. Just write a concise letter and slide it onto his desk at the end of the day. Oh, he caught you as you were doing it and asked to get coffees again? Okay, that’s cool too! Open your letter, write, “Just kidding haha” and throw it in the trash!

 

 

Agonize over why you didn’t do this two weeks ago then work Saturdays for two weeks in a row.

You just couldn’t do it, could you? This is why women aren’t CEOs! Do you think men agonize over this the way you do? Absolutely not! They just take what they want and they don’t apologize for it! This is why there’s a pay gap! It’s all your fault! Why are you like this? You’re getting too old to blame it on your parents or society or whatever the hell you’ve been telling yourself all these years! Just do it! But maybe not right this second because you’re pretty worked up and you want to be calm and under control. Especially since you’ll need him to give a reference. Wait, aren’t you supposed to have another job lined up before you quit?

 

Hey girl! You really thought you were going to do it. How cute. What’s that? Mike just asked you to come in early tomorrow and you immediately said yes? Cool! See you tomorrow at 7AM! Bright and early you spineless woman!

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