There is literally nothing worse than having a gay roommate who steals all your progressive thunder just by being gay. When your mutual friends come over to hang, they go on and on about how cool your gay roommate’s rainbow refrigerator magnet is, but don’t make any mention of the fact that you attended at least three Gay-Straight Alliance meetings in high school. And you’ve mentioned it twice! It’s like you don’t even exist.
Don’t let your gay roommate hog all the attention – otherwise you’re going to have to break your lease, live alone, and start dating a chick – all just to prove a point! But before you go and do anything crazy, try some of these tactics to reclaim the LGBT pride your gay roommate has mercilessly stolen from you:
1. Shave a section of your head.
This hairstyle was way more popular two years ago, but all lesbians are still sporting it like it’s their job. Your friends will stop commenting on your roommate’s stupid equality tattoo when you greet them with an edgy new hairstyle that will have them questioning your sexuality and politics!
2. Find a cafe or bar owned by a lesbian and sit in it for a really long time.
Your friends will be impressed by how much effort you put into supporting LGBT-owned businesses, especially if you go out of your way to remark upon how your gay roommate is a frequent Starbucks drinker.
3. Casually talk about all the girls you kissed in college.
Every girl has made out with another girl at a party back in college, but that doesn’t mean your brief lesbian encounter wasn’t a little bit special.
4. Cry a little.
When your gay roommate tries to make you seem like a boring, average straight girl by flaunting her lifestyle, use it as a platform to trick her into thinking that she is naïve and judgmental. Tell her that you demand sexual freedom and that you resent her for calling you straight, just because you’re only attracted to men. After all, you’ve always wondered what your life could have been like if people like her weren’t always trying to drown you in labels.
Follow these steps, and you will have won the battle of seeming more LGBT-friendly than your gay roommate! Now go shave your head!