So you’ve decided to quit smoking. Congratulations! The process can be grueling, but it’s time to put your health first. Except if Cool Josh makes an appearance, obviously. Here’s how to quit smoking, except when Cool Josh is around because, let’s face it, Josh smokes and is very cool.
Make a Plan
The first step to quitting is making a plan: Pick up nicotine patches, gum, or lozenges to get you through the initial withdrawal. Look at your calendar and choose the date you want to stop, taking into consideration stressors that might make your goal harder to achieve. For instance, if you know you’re going to see Cool Josh at the holiday party on December 21st, plan to quit after that date. You’ll want to take smoke breaks with him, because time with Josh is time with a badass dude who smokes. Josh, you’re so cool!
Keep Yourself Busy
Staying busy is a great way to distract yourself from wanting to take a puff on a sweet cig. Go on a walk, take a bike ride, or go see a movie. But also maybe leave your day open, just in case Cool Josh wants to hang out with you. If you do meet up and he offers you a Marlboro (fuck, he’s so cool), you have to smoke it. You can quit again tomorrow. Or maybe this just doesn’t count since Josh is so cool and can do no wrong. Cool Josh smokes!!
Why torture yourself by quitting your bad habit alone? Find a friend who’s interested in going smoke-free as well, or find an online community to vent to. Seek out support so that you can get through the rough times with someone, and so you in turn can help someone when they’re feeling out of control. Better yet, make Cool-Ass Josh your buddy and don’t actually quit and instead just spend some quality time with that incredible dude. Your doctor would understand!
Avoid People Who Smoke
When you quit smoking, the best thing you can do for yourself is avoid triggers. Stay away from the people, places, and things you associate with the bad habit. Except for Cool Josh, obviously. Without Cool Josh in your life you would have nothing to live for. As long as Cool Josh is cool with lung cancer, so are you! Cool!
Here’s how to quit smoking and live a healthier life, except when Cool-J is around, obviously, because he’s so cool. And if someone tells you to cut CJ out of your life, take a long drag, exhale smoke into their face and say, “I will say goodbye to Cool Josh — over my dead body.” Hell yeah, way to smoke ‘em out!