Andy is throwing himself a party in honor of his birthday. And while you desperately want this party to finally be the moment Andy looks deep into your eyes and realizes how much he loves you, you also don’t want to come off looking like a loser who likes him and came just to see him. Instead, pretend that running into him at his own party (that you were invited to by him) was a total accident. Here’s how to go to his party without looking like you knew he would be there.
Do NOT Open the Facebook Invite
Did you know that once you open the invite, Facebook marks it as “seen” so Andy can see that you saw it? Doing this would confirm that you knew this event was hosted by Andy and that you planned on going and didn’t just show up because your friends were going to “some party” and you tagged along. Do not open the invite for “Andy Fitzgerald Gets a Year Older” as it would completely mangle the pretense that you were unaware that Andy would be there. Can’t stress enough: Do. Not. Click.
Ignore the fact that everyone will be clad in “just got off work” attire and throw on something fancy! Overdressing will aid the charade that you actually were planning on attending a different, fancier event but just happened to drop by The Rowdy Sailor that night to say hi to some mutual acquaintances whom you didn’t even realize were there for Andy. Oops, you look too good! Oh well. Hi, Andy!
Don’t Go Straight Over to the Party Area
If the party is at a bar, you’re in luck! Anyone could go to a bar, even if it’s their crush’s favorite bar and it’s his birthday. Hang out at the bar part of the bar a bit, like you haven’t noticed that 20 of your good friends are all standing together circled around Andy at a table 12 feet away from you. Someone will spot you first and wonder what you’re doing standing alone and wearing a very flattering cocktail dress. This is just your normal Friday night place, even though it’s on the complete opposite side of town and all of your friends know that you were on the invite list for Andy’s party. What a weird unplanned coincidence!
Completely Ignore Andy
Yes, it’s his birthday and manners would dictate that you wish the birthday boy well on his very special day. But you like him. It’s important that you come off as light and charming and never predatory or desperate. All etiquette goes out the window when you’re trying to make a chill impression. So get as close as you can to being rude, without getting close to Andy. Be all like, “Oh sorry, is Andy here? I didn’t notice my back pressing into his side.”
Act Surprised When You See Him
When Andy finally comes up to you and says hello, do a double take and feign surprise that all six feet of Andy would show up here of all places! What! Oh my god! Wut. The. Fuck?!?! Throw him off your scent even more by telling him you didn’t even know it was his birthday, as if Facebook didn’t bombard you with reminders all day and you didn’t specifically come here to see him and him alone. So weird! It’s “Andy”, right?
On the off chance that Andy throws his party in his apartment instead of a bar, these guidelines can still be followed with excellent results! Good luck!