How To Not Do Sex Even If He Wants To Do Sex

Uh oh: Your man has an erection, and he’s touching you with his mouth (“kissing”), and it’s clear that he wants to do sex to you. Uh oh again: You are tired, or uninterested, or would rather be eating a sandwich and you do not want to do sex. How do you solve this impossible situation? Here are a few ideas:

 

Turn into a bird?

Can you turn into a bird? Well, can you try? Birds are bad for sex because they are not a girl and can fly away. Try to become a bird and he will no longer want to do sex with you if you become a bird.

 

Start eating a meal?

Food in the bedroom can be sexy, but it’s hard to do that kind of sexy while doing actual sex. Think about it: How many meals have you eaten while doing sex? Any? Didn’t think so. Open your window and shout for food. Someone might bring it. If they do, yippee! You can eat it and not do sex. (Give him some food, too! It’s nice.)

 

Emigrate to Spain?

If you can read English, which is this language, there’s a good chance you not in Spain, and Spain is far from where you currently are. Tell him you are moving there, and then walk to the nearest airport. Stow yourself inside a wheel. Fly to Spain. Live there. Congrats! You do not have to do sex if you are very far away in a place like Spain. (Note: This does not work if you are in Spain.)

 

 

Give birth to a baby?

It’s pretty tough to do sex to a vagina if there is a baby coming out of that vagina. If you can, give birth to a full-term baby. For times when the girl doesn’t want to do sex but the boy does, this is sure to make the sex not happen. It’s much, much easier to have a baby come out of you if you’re pregnant or very pregnant, but your mileage may vary.

 

Die?

Most men (MOST men) do not like to do sex with a dead person. Maybe you should die? Some ways to die are bleeding too much, being sick, falling, poison, and being very old. If you die, hurray! You will most likely (MOST likely) not have to do sex with that man who wants to do sex with you.

 

These are the only ways to not do sex if he wants to do sex. Sorry!

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