Every woman knows that a man with a motorcycle is the ultimate demonstration of unbridled masculine energy. Whether we hear a motorcycle rev out on the open road or on a city street, a man on a Harley always manages to get our own motors going! And while it’s absolutely normal to experience a full-body, Exorcist-style orgasm upon hearing that vroom vroom, spontaneous, public orgasms can get pretty annoying after a while. Here are some easy tips on how to not cum next time you hear him rev his sick bike:
Imagine his motorcycle is a show pony.
Take the power out of his hands by imagining he’s riding a show pony instead of a motorcycle. A lot of the instinctual eroticism comes from the visual of your man straddling that big ol’ chopper – If he’s straddling a show pony, well, that’s a little less sexy than such an impressive piece of metal. Turn his two-wheeled fuck machine into an equine Miss America and you’ll be able to reel in that public climax a bit.
Give your vag a good swatting.
This won’t stop the big guys, but for little orgasms accidentally induced by Seamless delivery guys on mopeds, this’ll do the trick. Give your vagina a good swat and say, “Stop that! Stop it right now!” Sure, vag-smacking a bit of a social faux pas, but it’s better than having yet another surprise orgasm in the middle of a work happy hour when you see a man on two wheels.
When you feel as if he’s riding his motorcycle directly into your G-Spot, a good Bjork sing-scream can often control your crescendo. Bellowing Icelandic noise music while hearing a rev will confuse your vagina, causing it to retreat—at least for a little while. Fun fact: “Dirtbike” is actually Latin for “clit whisperer.” Isn’t language crazy?
Clutch a shard of glass.
A hunk on a hog could come barreling down your block at any time so you need to be prepared. Find a shard of glass (pro tip: you can find broken bottles on most city streets!) and keep it on hand. When you hear the rev of a motorcycle, clutch that shard of glass. Your hand will slice open and you will bleed profusely. Instead of rushing to your clitoris, your blood will now gush out of the palm of your hand. Easy hack!
While cumming every single time you hear a chopper fire up isn’t ideal, just remember, it’s totally natural. It’s actually in our DNA (and most non-human primates’ too!) to experience head-to-toe body shivering at the sound of a motorcycle. So if your surprise orgasm gets the best of you, just embrace it! You’re only a human woman after all.