How to Make Sure All Your Friends Know You’re Sad

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REM was right: Everybody really does hurt sometimes. So then why do so many people feel so alone when they’re in the throes of sadness? It’s because most people don’t know how to optimize their social media presence to ensure that their friends know how sad they are. It’s not enough in today’s high-speed world to simply “share your feelings” – get your sadness trending with these social media tips so everyone will know what’s going on with you. Here are some sure fire ways to get people Retweeting your sadness!

 

1. Post pictures of the sad food you’ve eaten or plan to eat. Indicating you are eating said food alone will heighten this declaration. Photos are always high traffic items, and sad photos are even better. The best plan is to post different pictures on your various accounts. If you share your empty bag of potato chips on Facebook, consider lining up all the pints of ice cream you plan to demolish for your Instagram!

 

2. Keep the roots of your sadness vague, but still pretty obviously sad. Keep things vague enough that people will engage with you and ask questions like, “OMG What happened??” But try not to get too specific. Emojis work fine here as well.

 

3. Quote sad poetry from sad things. I once posted the lyrics to a Hole song at 3:30 in the morning with no explanation and when I woke up I had no fewer than 16 texts, calls, and messages asking if I was okay! Quotes from Virginia Woolf or other prolific, depressed poets work well, too. The Bell Jar is a go-to favorite.

 

 

4. Engage with high-profile Internet celebrities to get your friends’ focused on your sadness. Sometimes people need to see other people caring and engaging before they take the time to read something. Consider creating fake celebrity accounts to get your pages more recognition. If, NeNe Leakes, reality TV star, is liking your status, your real friends are more likely to take note! And if they do notice that it’s an unverified fake account, they’ll feel even worse for you.

 

5. Take a super sad selfie. If you really want to make a splash, put a little effort into taking a selfie in your pajamas. Experiment with hashtags like #cantgetoutofbed or #depressionhurts. Clothing with stains or holes also helps to get the point across. Or just give up all together and let your hair do that thing it does when you don’t do anything to it. Nothing says, “I’m sad” like your natural state.

 

6. Interact with your network frequently. The most important part step is to post early and often! The more often you post, the more reach your sadness will have across social networks. Live-tweeting your sadness is an around-the-clock game, and you can’t afford to rest before everybody knows you’re sad.

 

Being sad is something we all go through. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but if you don’t share it on social media, how will you ever get better?

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