Dating can be tricky, especially when you become inexplicably disfigured in the middle of dinner with a cute new guy! Follow these tips and you won’t miss a beat after having your kneecaps randomly pop off during a date:
Get Table Service
Worried you’ll be dancing hard at the club when your kneecaps become painfully dislocated and fall off, leaving you unable to stand? No problem! Get table service! Why do you think anyone gets table service at a club? It’s because they lost their kneecaps, but still want some killer above-the-waist pics for Instagram. The best part is, you’ll be able to get ice for your knees since you get waiters at your baller-ass table. Bye-bye haters! You should go to the hospital soon.
Keep Ordering Food
Out to dinner with a cutie when a waiter drops an enormous meat cleaver down the front of both your legs, severing both patellae from your body? Keep ordering food! You’ll have to be sitting to eat—and the best part is, he’ll be the one to run away from the ridiculous bill you’ve just racked up! You can live here now!
Get Him Drunk
So you’re at the bar when your unhinged frenemy “accidentally” kicks you in the knees and they oddly just fall off. Don’t sweat it! Keep the drinks flowing and your dude will be too buzzed to be able to tell if you have your kneecaps have remained where they should be!
You’ve made it all the way to the end of the night with your suitor—congrats! But then your kneecaps are removed by a gypsy curse as he walks you to your door—ack! Wrap your arms around his neck and let him carry you to the bed. It’s not only romantic; it’s your only option! Once you’re there, stick with missionary so he won’t notice you don’t have knees to kneel on. Once it’s over, you can pretend to be asleep until he lets himself out…then you have the perfect opportunity to call for help beg that gypsy for a reverse curse!
Now that you’ve survived a knee-less date, you can do anything! Go out and conquer the world, one hobbled step at a time!