How to Handle Shitting Yourself Immediately When He Says He ‘Loves Ethnic Chicks’

As a woman of color, you might meet a man at some point who will stop, look you dead in the eyes, and say, “I love ethnic chicks.” Statistically speaking, these are often white men who are Eminem fans. When this happens, you may find that your body’s instinctual reaction is that you immediately shit yourself. Not to worry! Here is a handy guide on how to handle yourself when this inevitably happens to you:

 

Smile and Nod and Back Away Slowly

Most likely, the man in questions will expect you to be floored by his clear fetishization of you as a person, unwittingly assuming that him declaring his interest in your “exotic” looks will inspire you to drop your pants and make sweet love to him right then and there! However, your horror has led to you shitting in your pants, so now is not the time. If you just smile, nod, and back away slowly, you will be able to escape the situation without hurting his feelings. Make sure to smile big! You are a nice, nonthreatening ethnic girl!

 

Give Him an Ethnic Dance

No need to worry that being called “ethnic” is an entirely meaningless, vague indicator of who you are in relation to a population subgroup. Since this guy loves that you are different, give him a cultural dance (Bollywood hits, anybody? Haha!) or speak to him in your native tongue that he won’t understand (“pendejo!”) Give him a taste of his passion, which will tide him over, and likely confuse him, while you make a run for the bathroom to clean up all the shit in your pants!!

 

 

Throw a DVD Copy of 8 Mile to Distract Him and Runaway

If all else fails, having a copy of the movie 8 Mile in your purse at all times is a solid backup plan, because at the end of the day, you’ve got a ton of shit in your pants and you gotta clean that up, sister. Literally, or you’d get sick. Your number-one priority is cleaning up all the shit now.

 

As a woman of color, there will be many instances in which you will be fetishized and treated as less than a person. Just remember, it’s not you – it’s your “ethnic” vibe! Use these tips to help you get by! Stay exotic and stay you!

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