How to Get Rid Of Those Fine Lines & Wrinkles That Only You Have, Nobody Else

You spent your first couple decades of life walking around and glowing like everyone else until one day you looked in the mirror and SHIT, WHAT’S THAT? Little face wrinkles!? What do you do??? Surely, you can’t walk around with fine lines because no one does! Here are a bunch of anti-wrinkle treatments that we hope will work, but don’t know for sure because your face is the only one that has these icky creases on it.


Moisturize Day and Night

The skin beneath your eyes is very soft and sensitive, so avoid looking like an unironed pair of corduroys by moisturizing every spare second of your day. Be sure to also drink lots of water so that your eyes look like everyone else’s: perfect and unfazed by the passage of time. This should help, but you’re the only person that has a face this bad, so who knows?


Wear Sunscreen

Beware the power of the sun! It’s out to get you, so always protect your skin with globs of SPF. This will help reduce the signs of aging, which is good because your creased and crumpled face can’t take it anymore. You’ll be looking like your skin isn’t a living organism is no time, just like the rest of us normal, beautiful people.



Express No Emotions

The true secret to stopping fine lines in their tracks is to discontinue facial expressions altogether, since you have this rare condition that nobody else has. Honestly, you look like you’re the first person to ever feel sad, and you should stop that. Never furrow. Next time you’re having an emotion, hold it in tight, but without any more of those face scrunches. If you have a feeling that really must be expressed, use a text like the rest of us flat-skinned pretty people who will never, ever age.


Try to spend some time sitting there and wondering what you must’ve done to deserve such a fate. Remember: you’re the only one that has ever had to deal with this, so fix it quick, before people notice you’re some kind of unholy time victim.


view all comments hide comments

Comments are closed.