How to Fall in Love Without Screaming, ‘Oh Fuck Fuck Shit Fuck!’

Falling in love is the most terrifying thing that can happen to a person. But when you’re finally ready to do it, you don’t want to have to scream the whole time it’s happening. Here are some pointers how on how to fall in love without running through a crowd yelling, “Oh fucking fucking shitting fuck fuck!”

 

Stay Open

If you want a successful, loving relationship, you have to keep yourself open to your new person. People are full of surprises, so don’t close yourself off from them. Try to remain open to anything new, except thoughts like, “Ohhhhhh no, not this again. Why would I do this? Love is a trap that could kill me! Ahhhhh ahhhhh! What do I do? Fuuuuuuuuuuck oh fuckkkkkkk!” Try to be receptive to your new person instead of letting any of those guttural expletives fly out of your mouth. Or just don’t think that. You probably already are, but try to stop. Stop it. Think about how much you love this person and how that could be a good thing maybe, oh wait that’s bringing up the same thoughts again – ­nevermind!

 

Try to Stay Present

When you’re jumping into a new romantic situation, it’s easy to get lost in your thoughts. Thoughts like, “Should I do this? No obviously I shouldn’t. Oh my god, I’m doing this. Is it worth the risk? What if I get hurt? You gotta crack eggs to make an omelette, though. What does that even mean? Self-sabotage right now! Wait, don’t. Yes, do. No! Fuck! FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!” Oops, not only did you think all those things already, but you yelled them into a bullhorn at top volume? Well, good thing you’re in love now because this person now has to love you in spite of your freak-out. Haha, sucks for them!!

 

 

Stay Positive

Instead of focusing on your anxieties, gently allow yourself to think nice things about this person you like and may soon love. Resist the urge to run into a thunderous waterfall so that only it can hear you scream, “WHY DO HUMANS CONTINUTE TO PUT THEMSELVES INTO VULNERABLE POSITIONS THAT WILL LIKELY END IN HEARTACHE? I FEEL LIKE A WALKING, THROBBING NEURON THAT CAN SENSE AND FEEL EVERY SINGLE THING! SHIT!” I guess since you can’t not scream, try to remember that love is not a threat and maybe just scream more quietly.

 

So next time you’re falling in love, try not to. But since you will anyway, try not to scream. But since you will anyway, just let it happen and hope for the best!

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