How to Explain to Your Cool Friends that You Unironically Enjoy Chain Restaurants

Trying to fit in can be tricky, especially when some of the things you truly appreciate are considered lame by your more hip friends. But you deserve to like whatever tickles your fancy, even if what you fancy is mediocre dining! So here’s how to explain to your cool friends that you genuinely, unironically enjoy Bloomin’ Onions and chain restaurants in general.


Tell them plainly.

The first step is just straight-up telling your cool friends that you love chain restaurants. Say something like, “Chili’s is actually pretty good.” They’ll laugh, thinking that you’re being ironic, and say something like “Yeah, I love super-processed, microwaved slop too! Hahaha!” Now, it’s important be like, actually, you do sincerely like the super-processed, microwaved slop at Chili’s because it’s delicious. Keep going!


Tell them again, but say “No, I’m serious” this time.

It’s time to really put your foot down when it comes to your love for all chain restaurants, even Bennigan’s. Tell your hip friends again, but this time, add a “No, I’m serious,” followed by a long stare. They’ll laugh again, and then pause, and then say something like, “Oh wait, you’re serious?”. Reassure them that you are serious and also that the Tour of Italy from The Olive Garden is objectively good.


Break down the differences in how you were raised.

At this point, your friends with “taste” might still be having trouble comprehending that you appreciate the actual food at chain restaurants and not just the ironic appeal that liking such a pedestrian establishment can bring. Try to break down the fact that getting the classic combo appetizers at Applebee’s was a fucking treat where you come from. If they ask for clarification, tell them that you just found out what branzino was and that should clear things up for them.


Bring them to Olive Garden.

If worst comes to worst, just bring your friends to Olive Garden. All of their ironic admiration for chain restaurants will evolve into literal admiration once they try the unlimited soup, salad, and breadstick option. Explain to them that this place isn’t supposed to be or even resemble traditional Italian food, it’s just a pasta and sauce factory. Two bowls into an endless Alfredo meal they’ll be sold for sure!


Owning how much you enjoy chain restaurants around your hipper friends can be stressful. With these few steps, you’ll make them more receptive right away!


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