How to Explain to Your Boyfriend You’re Crying Because You Saw a Dog Today

Let’s face it: You cry a lot and in many places, like at 10 AM on the train because you remembered part of Toy Story, or at 4 PM looking at a discarded bagel on the street because you like bagels but can’t have that one because it’s dirty and you just had lunch. Your tears are for very legitimate reasons, though. For example, today you are crying because you saw a dog. It’s gonna take some effort to explain this. Here’s how:

 

Tell Him That Emotions Are Complicated and Dogs Can Be Small Sometimes

Lay it all out for him. He’s a guy, so he doesn’t have your deep emotional intelligence—you’re gonna have to explain all the nitty gritty details that seem obvious to you. Explain that emotions are very complicated and sometimes we don’t always expect certain things to affect us. While he is mulling this over, mutter quietly that dogs are very small sometimes and you couldn’t believe how small this dog was; it was so small.

 

 

Explain That the Dog Had Those Eyes

Yesterday, you were crying about the millions of Americans who live below the poverty line. Today, you saw a dog with a furry face. Just calmly explain to your boyfriend that it’s not just that the face was fury, that would be insane. It’s much deeper than that. That cute furry face also had those eyes. EYES. And they were FULL of DEEP SPIRITUAL PEACE. How could you not cry?

 

Tell Him the Dog Reminded You of Your Childhood Dog Who Died Even Though It Does Not Remind You of Buddy at All, You Are Just Crying Because You Wanted to Hold the Dog Close to Your Bosom

Lying is necessary, sometimes. Maybe your boyfriend will never really understand that when you saw that dog on 24th and 8th, you started crying because you wanted to hold it, hold it so close to your bosom, but it was walking away too fast on its tiny feets. It was a dog and all you could do was look at it. It was a dog, Steve. A dog. Ughhh, now WE’RE crying!!!

 

 

Life is full of terrible things. It is also full of dogs. So the next time your boyfriend looks at you with incredulity while you shed tears at the memory of a maltipoo whose coat matched his owner’s, try these tips for explaining your case. You are not a robot and it was such a small dog.

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