How to Explain Away All Your Flaws by Saying ‘It’s Scorpio Season’

Nobody’s perfect. Emotional and psychological factors in your life as small as not getting enough sleep, or as big as attachment issues formed in childhood can cause you to not always treat others with kindness and respect, Finding the root of these issues can be super hard work unless your astrological sign is notorious for being horrible. Instead of therapy or deep introspection, here’s how to explain away all your flaws by simply saying “it’s Scorpio season.”

 

Start with a half apology.

If you’re about to excuse your flawed behavior, it’s good to start with a half apology. Say “Sorry…but” to let your friend know you’re almost going to hold yourself accountable for your actions, but not quite! For example, start with: “I’m sorry that I arrived two hours late to your birthday party then hooked up with the bartender you had been flirting with all night.” Then close with: “But it’s Scorpio season and you know my crazy ass had no choice!” Foolproof!

 

Transfer your loved ones’ anger to the stars.

If you’re constantly letting down those close to you with your confusing and often hurtful choices, try to transfer their anger and disappointment to the alignment of the stars, Tell your roommate: “I know you were unhappy when you asked me to get milk and I came back with a taxidermied bird I’d like to keep in the kitchen, a written promise to sublet your room to a DJ named Mr. Dad, and no milk. But it’s Scorpio season, so you should really be mad at the stars!” In no time your roommate will realize you’re on the same side of the battle against Scorpio season, and that you truly can’t help your shitty behavior!

 

Yell.

If calmly explaining that your flaws are the result of Scorpio season isn’t working, just start yelling. Yelling will actually help prove your point that you’re just a victim of the Sun rotation’s cruel tricks! Yell through tears at your siblings: “It’s Scorpio season, and that is why I took all the money we pooled to get Mom a spa package, and instead got myself a season pass to Six Flags. I just wanted to continue to experience the intensity and slight nausea that I am experiencing outside of my control now, during SCORPIO SEASON.”

 

All in all, you should never be held accountable for your actions or flaws during that dreaded season of Scorpio. Use these methods to keep the blame at bay, and help your loved ones understand that it’s not your fault, it’s just Scorpio season, baby!

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