How To Convince Him You’re Not Just Dating Him For His Chest Hair

Springtime has finally arrived! And when the sun comes out, so do the picnics, the ice cream cones and your dude’s chest hair. All winter long, his chest hair was tucked away, but your patience has paid off and now you can gawk at your man in a hair-baring tank top all day long! Before you spend the whole season drooling over his bushy chest, remember men don’t like when you’re only dating them for their long, coarse body hair. Here are some ways to convince him you’re not just dating him for superficial reasons like that chest carpet!


Stay Focused On His Eyes

When you’re hanging out with your man, it can be easy to try to catch a quick peek of his amazing chest hairs. Even though it’s tempting, remember there’s a person under all that hair, and he values your respect. So stay focused on his eyes! As he’s talking, make note of all their intricacies: What color are they? Are his pupils dilated? What are eyeballs? He’ll be convinced you really are listening to him and aren’t just thinking about running your fingers through that thick, rugged chest hair. Well played!


Take Out Your Contacts

This only works if you usually wear contacts, but is an effective method for not just reaching for his thick coat and grabbing it at inappropriate times. So next time your man decides to unleash his chest tresses, just discretely pop out your contacts! That way, if you can’t resist stroking his body beard, you won’t be able to find it. It will suck for you, but it will convince him you’re not just dating him because of his thick thatch. Way to be good person!



Remind Yourself of The Consequences

This part is really scary but really important: If he does notice that you’re only dating him for his shag rug of a torso, he may call you out, which is embarrassing. Also, if you focus on his chunky chest pubes for too long, you may become visibly aroused while he’s talking about his job search, which will be really hard to justify when he tries to talk to you about his feelings or that he’s having a hard day. You don’t want him to think that you’re a pervert, which would stop you from getting into his shirts later on. Use these consequences as motivation if you’re unable to respect his personhood!


If worse comes to worse, just text him “how are you” every other day! No need to look at his response, he’s definitely convinced!


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