Sex can start to feel routine when you’ve been with the same person for awhile. The fire you once had is now gone, and your partner no longer satisfies your cravings. But you know what can? Pizza. Keep your relationship alive with these tips on how to bring more pizza into the bedroom:
Have a threesome…with a pizza! Your boyfriend has been asking if your friend Melanie could join you in the bedroom for months now, but Melanie’s a bitch and you’re already jealous of her life. So instead of sharing him with Melanie, share him with a pizza. You won’t become jealous of the pizza, because it has no personality and honestly isn’t even that pretty. Melanie can steal your boyfriend, but a pizza can’t!
Try something you’ve never tried before…like premium toppings. Sure, they cost extra, but did you ever think about what Serrano ham could do for your halfhearted exchange of oral sex? It won’t do anything for the sex, but it will show your man that he’s worth the extra effort.
Double your pleasure…with two pizzas! Feeling wild? Let your guy know just how bad you are by ordering two pizzas at once. Your mouth will welcome the double stimulation of eating two pizzas at the same time while he masturbates alone in the bathroom, amazed at your ability to put all that pizza in your mouth.
Have him watch as you pleasure yourself…by eating a pizza! You could share with your man, but why not show him how easily you can crush a medium two-topping homemade pan from Dominos all by yourself? Slowly take off your clothes. Put on sweatpants. Order a pizza. Eat it in bed while watching a Netflix documentary. He’ll get so hot seeing you in pure ecstasy as you drown in cheese and watch an underprivileged youth basketball team’s journey.
Remember: pizza is better than sex. But sometimes, pizza can make sex better. So don’t be afraid to try something new in the bedroom by adding pizza to the mix.