Be still our breaking hearts! Everyone’s fave Hollywood couple Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are getting a divorce, and even though it’s supposedly amicable, you know they’re both going through a lot. You totally want to be there for them during this difficult time, but especially for Ben because he’s someone you wanted to have sex with ten years ago and could still totally get it. It’s going to be so hard for them to negotiate shared custody of their kids while dealing with heartache in the media spotlight, but it’s going to be especially hard for Ben to move on from this great love, and you def want to be his shoulder to cry on, or his boob to cry on, or just whatever’s comforting for him to put his head on right now, you know? Marriage is hard and divorce is harder. So here’s how to be there for the sad couple, while mostly being there for Ben.
When tragedy strikes, nothing comforts like comfort food. Also, nothing shows Ben that there are other great women out there who are also marriage material and handy in the kitchen and are in their kitchen right now whipping up something delicious. So bring over Ben’s favorite ribs, which oops—Jen can’t eat, because she’s a vegetarian, ugh—and let them both know that they’ll get through this.
Assure them that they have their whole lives ahead of them.
At 43, and 42, Jen and Ben still have their best years to live, especially Ben, who could pass for 35. Let them both, but definitely Ben, know that in spite of this heartbreak, there’s a whole lot of fun and happiness in store for them in the future (particularly for Ben, with you, a project manager who lives with two roommates).
Take Jen out for drinks.
You’ll really wanna be there for Jen in this difficult time, particularly just to get her out of the house for awhile so Ben can go have some guy time. Be there for her, and really listen, ’cause you’re gonna wanna know specifically what brought this about and what she did wrong in the relationship. You’re going to date Ben Affleck!
Noting your own experiences with heartache will really help Ben and Jen see that they’re not alone here. Everyone goes through difficult times in relationships, even millionaires and people who made $42,000 last year like you. Also, reminding them that you recently suffered a harsh breakup reminds Ben that you’re available!
Being a good friend to celebrities you’ve never met is hard. But remember, they’re just like us and need our help through difficult times, and maybe even some casual sex to get through it all, you know?