As a woman, it can be hard to be happy for yourself when something good comes along. Whether you’ve recently accomplished a major goal, or are just contentedly enjoying life, it’s important that you learn to be confident and proud for at least one second, maybe even two. Here are some ways to be happy for yourself for as little time as possible, because being happy is very hard and usually impossible.
Say a Nice Thing to Yourself in the Mirror
Obviously, you can’t say you’re proud of yourself out loud where people can hear you, but if you have a soundproof, windowless bathroom, you can probably get away with it. Look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself, “Good job, you did it.” Then, as quickly as possible, rip the mirror from the wall and throw it to the ground, shattering it in as many pieces as possible. People can’t know you feel accomplished even though you are, and now this mirror knows too much!
Get Yourself a Treat
A nice way to reward yourself for living the life you want to live is by giving yourself a little treat. You know, like you’re a child, or a dog. So stop by that place you’re always craving, order your favorite item, then take it home and eat it guiltily in a corner. You want to reward yourself, but don’t get too carried away by letting yourself do it publicly like some kind of braggart witch. It’s still a treat, even if you eat it in the dark, as fast as possible so that no one catches you feeling positive emotions about yourself!!
Post About It
It always feels great to take to the internet to announce that you are feeling proud because of something you’ve done. So write down those feelings and hit send! WAIT, set it to private first! Make sure that it’s a post only you can see so you can always come back to re-read it, but no one will ever know your sin of feeling good about something!
Nothing feels more celebratory than dancing around, like a football player in the end zone! But, of course, football players are men and deserve self-confidence and praise. All you’ve ever done is also achieve everything you’ve set out to do. So dance around, but don’t be all showy about it. Do it quietly in your living room, make sure you can’t see yourself doing it in the shards of glass from the mirror you broke, and then forget the experience immediately. Time to go back to being humble like an acceptable person!
So congrats to you for whatever you’re feeling good about! And now stop feeling good, that was enough. Now that the second is over, please go back to constant, fear-based self-critiquing.