A Hollywood woman was shocked and appalled when hundreds of nude pictures of her were not leaked overnight.
The aspiring reality television actress told reporters she was horrified by the hacker’s behavior, noting not a single nude, semi-nude, or provocative photo of any kind had surfaced from her archive.
“He was seemingly so thorough,” she said. “It’s as if he had no interest in flagrantly violating my privacy for his own benefit.”
The woman believed she’d be an easy target for the celebrity photo hacker, noting her frequent iCloud updates and her decision to download the Facebook messenger app.
“Nearly all of my ex-boyfriends have access to naked pictures of me,” she added. “And a lot of them would definitely want to exact some kind of revenge on me. It just doesn’t make sense.”
The woman told reporters she’d remain “on the lookout” for the remainder of the week, asking if it were possible to add a Google alert for her own vagina.
At press time, the woman had begun to set up a camera by her bedside table: “Forget it,” she said. “I’m making a sex tape.”