Hide Your Crazy With a Playful Rockabilly Aesthetic

We all have our quirks; you can turn to a career, a hobby, or a faith, to funnel your quirkiness into something productive. But, there’s another option if you want to use your look to conceal the madness brewing beneath: the rockabilly aesthetic. Blend toughness and retro sweetness in an appearance that will allow you to playfully hide your diagnosable mental problems!

 

Makeup

Feeling stressed about your relationship? Turn your anxiety into enthusiasm for a new makeup routine (’cause you’re going to need it). Just like the stifling veneer you put on your feelings, cover the entire surface of your face with layers of concealer. Use the “cake-on” method. Then give yourself a cat-eye look with a thick, dark liner and place on fake, lush lashes. Use a heavy hand with a fire engine-red lip, creating more lip than you ever had before! Strategically place a beauty mark on your face. You want to look like a 1950s pinup from back when they were still painted by hand.

 

Hair

Rockabilly hair will take a lot of your time and effort, so you won’t be able to devote as much time to worrying about your job. When you eventually do snap and have that epic meltdown at the office, your colleagues won’t be as scared as they should be, because you’ll be sporting cutesy fringe bangs and twirling, medallions of hair shaped with pomade, electric purple tips, and a delightful poof at the crown of your head, all held together with a bandana in the shade of your temper. “What a passionate young woman!” they’ll think, as you cry onto the copy machine after your latest breakup.

 

Clothes

Your clothes are a huge part of giving the impression that you’re not crazy but just a little bit zany! Pair a gingham-checked sweater set with a polka-dot poodle skirt and some saddle shoes. When you scream at your family reunion wearing this exaggeratedly feminine look, your relatives will blame the waiters for refilling your wine too often and not knowing your limit, you poor dear sweet thing.

 

Accessories

What could really seem so wrong with you when you’re looking out from cat-eye glasses? Throw on some cheetah print gloves to show you’re wild and classy. Pair those adorable lady specs and gloves with lighthearted yet threatening tattoos (think a kitten holding four guns) and your look will scream “I am a self-possessed woman who could fly off the handle, but probably won’t, because I’m just an adorable little lady.”

 

You got this? Okay great – we’ll see you at the roller derby!

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