Have You Fully Toxxed in Time For Your Spring Detox?

With the ice and snow beginning to melt, the coming of spring is a reality we need to face. It’s time to hit the reset button on our bodies to prepare for more sun and fewer layers. What’s the best way to prepare for a full body detox? By making sure your body is at its most toxic before you begin.

 

Imbibe

If you haven’t spent the winter evenings guzzling alcohol to numb yourself to the bleak monotony, now you can make up for lost time! Beer, wine, bourbon – these are all your friends to recklessly abuse! Your liver should be full of impurities that you will later release from it.

 

Eat Crap

You deserve it, girl. Now stuff yourself with crap! If you can understand the list of ingredients on the packaging, it is not something you want to be putting into your body. Your body is a temple and it’s currently under renovation!

Smoke

Cigarettes, drugs, whatever – smoke ’em all. You need to add the kinds of things it will feel good to remove from your body later. You’ll even see a difference in your lungs!

 

 

Avoid Exercise

When you are toxxing, one of the worst things you can do for yourself is exert energy and start sweating. Utilize drive-through windows circle parking lots for as long as necessary in order to get the closest possible spot. What’s the point in a fat-blasting detox if you don’t have any fat to blast?

 

Stress

What some toxxers forget is that the body is perfectly capable of manufacturing its own toxins if you just maintain a toxic enough perspective. Now is the time to self-sabotage. Lay in bed for the next few days eating string cheese and think bad thoughts. Focus on your failures, avoid any obligations, and contemplate what your purpose is on this planet. Your body will be laden with cortisol, the stress hormone, which you can later eliminate with expensive meditation classes. Fun!

 

Spring isn’t spring without a refreshing detox. But make sure you’ll actually feel that satisfying release of a cleanse by properly toxxing up beforehand!

COMMENTS

view all comments hide comments

Comments are closed.