Literally everyone you know is on Facebook sharing their lives and opinions, which is perfect, because you love to stir the pot and start drama in any way you can. Statuses about politics or current events are easy targets to start fights on but you don’t need to go for the low hanging fruit to cause trouble! Here are some totally benign, harmless Facebook statuses that you could absolutely start shit on.
Hank and Casey’s Vacation Photos From Bermuda
Your friend Hank’s beach vacation looks super cute! Except wait… Is he not wearing his wedding ring in that pic? It could be because he was swimming in the ocean, but you better comment, “Hey Hank! Where’s the ring? Looks like trouble!!” Now everyone thinks Hank and Casey might get a divorce! You’ve started quite the commotion!
Kelly From High School’s Bad Review of a Nail Salon
Picky Kelly wasn’t happy with her mani-pedi, and has warned all of her Internet pals to stay away from this bad salon. But you’ve heard from a friend of a friend that owning a small business is hard, and that she shouldn’t let her negative attitude influence others to not spend money at a ma and pa location. Better comment to shame her for badmouthing a local business. Now Kelly looks like an asshole for posting that!
Your Coworker Carl’s Post about Binge Watching a Show On Netflix
Carl just wanted to joke about his recent binge of Orange is the New Black but studies show that people who watch a lot of TV tend to be overweight, and that TV basically makes you dumb! Better let Carl know he must not care at all about his physical or mental health! You can’t wait to see how all his friends react. Look at you go, you little problem starter!
Your Cousin Alex’s Post about the Latest Game of Thrones Episode
Alex loved last night’s Game of Thrones episode. You’ve never seen it, but you have read a headline or two that indicates it’s violent and crude. Time to let Alex know you don’t stand for that kind of television. Your comment “How am I related to someone who enjoys such gore??” will make the next family reunion pretty exciting!
That Guy You Met at a Bar One Time’s Salad Recipe
You had a fun half hour flirting with this random man on a Saturday night two years ago, and now he’s sharing a recipe for a salad that calls for avocados. Does he know about the avocado shortage? Better make a novel-length comment and include some links to make sure he doesn’t eat an avocado ever again. You’re an internet hero!
Use these tips and you don’t need a controversial Facebook post to stimulate some drama online. With the right attitude, any mild Facebook status can be the breeding ground for some serious tension. Better get to typing!