Halloween Costumes That Say, ‘I’m Divorced!’

Just because you’re a recent divorcée doesn’t mean you can’t have fun on Halloween! Make this night your re-entry back into society with a costume that will let everyone know you’re divorced! And you’re happy about it. And you’re DTF.

 

Black Widow Spider

The name itself alludes to the fact you no longer have a husband. Even if he’s not dead, he might as well be – right, ladies!? This is a sexy and dangerous costume that will let you say things like, “Watch out, I bite.” Plus, black is slimming and you probably already have something in your now half-empty closet you can use.

 

Any Disney Princess Except Mulan

Do not – I repeat – do not be Mulan for Halloween. That bad bitch went to war with a sword and an honorable mission. Pick one of the princesses that had to be rescued from her own nap. Snow White and Sleeping Beauty are great choices. Cinderella is also kind of desperate and will remind other men at the Halloween party about female domesticity. You might have a new husband by the stroke of midnight!

 

Praying Mantis

Again, any species that exhibits sexual cannibalism is fair game. The mantis costume is for women who just look better in green (redheads).

 

Candy!

This costume can be interpreted one of two ways: candy like a treat, or Candy like a sexy prostitute. You can be on the prowl for sugar, or a Sugar Daddy. This costume is great because it screams confidence and sadness at the same time – which is honestly what you are probably feeling in real life. If you choose this costume, arrive at the party already trashed.

 

The Green M&M

You can find this in most Halloween shops and it will hide any weight you’ve put on since signing the papers. It will be kind of funny, a little sexy and an okay conversation starter. This is for ladies who maybe should’ve stayed in for Halloween, but are giving it one last shot.

 

 

One Half of a Couples’ Costume

Nothing says, “I used to be part of something and now I’m not!” like this winning number. Turn a great idea for a couples costume into a costume for one, Cher minus Sonny, Jane minus Tarzan, or You minus Your Husband.

 

Your Ex-Husband

Everyone will be thinking about him when they see you, anyway. This is a good idea for women who really want to get into character as a healing tactic. Use his catchphrases and mannerisms to try to understand what went wrong and why you stayed with him for so long. Report back to your therapist on November 1st.

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