Guy Who Hates Small Talk Also Hates Listening

Reports state that 26-year-old Jeremy Gordon, known in his social circles for his self-professed dislike of small talk, also appears to have a profound hatred of listening.


Gordon has proudly announced his aversion to frivolous pleasantries at job interviews, parties, and after sex, saying that he prefers “real connection.” However, his friends, lovers, and coworkers have noticed that Gordon’s proud renunciation of “the scripted back and forth that the rest of you seem to enjoy” is often used to cover up his extreme distaste for listening to other people’s stories and opinions.


“Any time I try to talk about how my day went or what band I’m interested in, he asks why I even bother talking if I’m just trying to fill time,” says Gordon’s childhood best friend, Jenna Macon. “Anything I say is somehow considered “small talk.” I’ve learned to just ask him questions. That always goes okay.”


When asked what bothers him so much about casual chitchat, he explains, “I’m allergic to bullshit. Why even bother talking if it’s just going to be noise, you know?”



Gordon abhors many conversation topics, including the weather, clothing and other material items, celebrities, television, sports, politics, the news, pop music, food, childhood stories, and other people’s favorite things.


Gordon’s ex-girlfriend Melissa even suggested an addition to Gordon’s dislikes, adding “agreeing with women” to his bans on small talk and listening.


“If I mentioned that it was a hot day, he would ask me what I meant by that,” she remembers. “He thought he was being interesting, but it was just fucking obnoxious.”


Sources report that Gordon remains single but is looking for a woman with whom he can talk about the real stuff, not the other bullshit girls love to blab about.


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