It’s hard to find a meal that is filling, yet totally devoid of all fun and flavor like oatmeal is. Well good news, oatmeal lovers, there are other kinds of tasteless mush that you can put in your boring mouths! These bland, soulless recipes are the perfect way to reach successful calorie intake while punishing your taste buds just for existing.
Polenta
This classic dish is kind of like oatmeal, in that it has no taste, but it’s different because it’s yellow so you can eat it for dinner, too. You like that feeling of eating a flavorless pile though, so maybe polenta is the flavorless pile for you! This dish will make you go, “Wow, I feel something in my mouth, but there is absolutely no flavor! Am I really eating?” Polenta mush for the win!
Farina
Farina is a form of milled wheat that only the most insufferable people cook up for breakfast. Fun textures and new flavors? Not for you, you dull bitch. Cook up some farina and… enjoy? I’m not sure how you could like something so tasteless, but that’s your business girl, not mine. Go forth and be full!
Grits
A lot of people like to make grits with butter and some sharp cheddar cheese, but you would probably hate that. Just boil these grits in water and serve them right up. Garnish with nothing and it’s perfect for your boring-ass mouth.
Boiled Egg White Gloop
Sometimes you make an accidental mush when you undercook eggs. You like oatmeal though so this is fine, right? Mush is mush. Slurp that mess up before your day of sitting and looking at blank walls, we assume!
If you like bland mush, try out these un-decadent not-savories! But maybe also think about why you don’t ever want to enjoy food. There’s definitely better stuff out there like a bacon egg and cheese on an asiago bagel!
