Many people view the mandatory, pre-abortion 48-hour waiting period as a pointless inconvenience at best and a thinly disguised attempt by your state government to legislate religious practices that restrict women’s bodily autonomy at worst. Either way, that’s super negative of them! Instead, look at this 48-hour period as a chance to get away from it all for some much-needed me-time! Here are some great weekend getaways that will take your mind off of being in reproductive purgatory so you can focus on having some pre-abortion fun in the sun!
1. Go on a relaxing meditation retreat.
Before you terminate your pregnancy, go terminate your negative spiritual energy at a relaxing meditation retreat! The government may have ever-increasing control over your womb, but only you control your consciousness. After a weekend of cross-legged bliss, you’ll realize that you are your own greatest obstacle to inner peace. Well, besides your state legislature, and your lousy health insurance, and the mob of pro-life demonstrators gearing up to scream, “Baby Killer!” at you on Monday. But mostly, just you. Om, baby, om!
2. Buy a two-day pass to Disney World.
This beloved, lethally overcrowded amusement park is the perfect place to contemplate the staggering population growth expected to overtake our planet in the coming generations while watching beautiful, virginal princesses sing about longing. As you get lost in the throngs of unhappy parents and their crying children, you may start to wonder why your state legislature has such an invasively vested interest in seeing you add to the crowd. That’s probably just your hysterical womb talking, though. Go and give that man in a Mickey Mouse costume a hug like a normal American.
3. Take a quaint excursion to Colonial Williamsburg.
Wile away those agonizing 48 hours in the quaint world of Colonial Williamsburg. You’ll find yourself instantly transported to a time when men were men, and women hand-churned butter throughout each of their nine pregnancies. Suddenly, all the encroaching state restrictions on your womb won’t feel quite so repressive. Ah, womanhood: a historical journey from very sucky to less sucky, with a few state-imposed detours along the way!
4. Hit up a nude beach resort.
Your body may be a battleground in our country’s cultural wars, but that shouldn’t stop you from indulging in the sheer, naturalistic freedom of a nude beach resort! Soak up some rays and watch your tan lines fade away—just in time to for that legally mandated vaginal ultrasound! You Sun Goddess, you! Need a steamy beach read? Why not try your state’s sprawling informed consent packet?
5. Go hunting and wonder why the Jesus freaks don’t have a problem with people killing inedible animals purely for sadistic pride.
Spend the weekend in a wilderness hunting retreat, killing some innocent, preferably inedible creatures for the sheer brutal thrill of it. As you surround yourself with mindless slaughter, you may begin to wonder why America treats a three-week-old fetus as more alive than, say, the majestic mother doe you’ve just felled. Bond with one of your fellow hunters by jokingly pointing out that if guys could get pregnant, abortion would be even easier to access than any of his five personal guns—without a background check!
Remember, your abortion waiting period is what you make of it. So don’t let the fact that a bunch of elderly men get to make all the rules about your reproductive healthcare get in the way of a good time!