In a desperate attempt to make you aware of the gaping cavernous space that is your vagina, your friend 27-year-old Carrie Partridge let you know that she is “not a fan of big dicks” because they can be “painful.”
“I honestly prefer an average-sized penis,” says Carrie, obsessively trying to telegraph that your pussy is fucking ginormous. “I can’t physically have sex if it’s too big. It’s just so scary!”
For the past three years, Carrie has reportedly been attempting to clue you into the fact that her vagina has the circumference of a stirring straw and your vagina is as shapeless and bottomless as an ocean.
“Sometimes even small vibrators hurt me,” adds Carrie, to you, a gargantuan vagina with a woman hanging on for dear life.
Sources confirm that Carrie is probably right, considering the fact that no dick, even big ones, has ever hurt you and your vaginal rabbit hole.
Friends have done their best to comfort you about your hole that could serve as an underground bunker in case of nuclear warfare.
“Oh my god, your vagina is normal,” says Kim Ilridge. “Like, I’m sure you’ve had trouble getting a super tampon in there before!”
After shaking your head, she responded, “Oh. Well. Lucky you!”
“Oh my god I love big dicks,” says Amy Lynn, surely coming to your rescue. “I have to use so much lube and we have to go really slow. It’s super hot.”
While it’s becoming clear that most women have adorable, teeny vaginas that are only visible through a magnifying glass, your friends are definitely here to tell you that your vagina lives inside you like an upside-down trash bag: It can only fill up with air if the wind hits it right.
Despite your friends doing their best to let you know your anatomy could absorb the planet Earth, you did find one silver lining to the sad gray loose cloud that is your vagina.
“At least it might hurt less when I have a baby,” you said.
Sources confirm that is actually not how it works and giving birth will hurt a lot.