After spending a recent boozy brunch complaining about the negative qualities her boyfriend James possesses, your friend Allison Knisley still doesn’t understand why you don’t like him.
“I really don’t get what your deal is,” said Allison. “You have no reason to dislike him. It seems unfair.”
Allison, who just told you a story about James yelling at a small child who accidentally got in his way, went on to express her confusion at why you don’t enjoy being around him.
“You never even hang out with him,” said Allison. “So all you have to judge him from is what I say about him. But in the end, you really don’t know the first thing about James!”
Sources confirm that you’ve never heard Allison say one positive thing about James, and so your disdain of him makes perfect sense.
Other friends of Allison seem to be coming to your defense.
“I’ve met James, and he’s a real piece of work,” said Reed Loenstein. “But even if I hadn’t, all Allison does is complain about how shitty of a boyfriend he is. So I wouldn’t like him anyway.”
“I’ve fed Allison ice cream and listened to her cry about how James got drunk and punched her cousin at her family reunion,” added Hannah Wu. “All it took was that one story to get me to hate him. But that’s not the only story I’ve heard from her about James being an asshole. It’s actually insane that she has any confusion as to why people don’t like him.”
But Allison, who told you a story last week about James refusing to do any dishes after you cooked because he ‘didn’t dirty them,’ doesn’t see it that way.
“Sure, I talk a lot about James to you,” she said. “But that’s because you’re my friend. If you want me to stop, I will, but it’s not fair that you suddenly don’t like him for whatever reason.”
“He actually already said that he thinks that you’re petty and jealous of us,” she added. “Is that it?”