Proving once and for all that women are capable of anything, Austin resident Thalia Graceson chafed her thighs so hard that they kindled a fire.
The empowering demonstration occurred last Thursday as Thalia went about her day in a dry, 97-degree heat.
“First I walked down the four flights of stairs from my apartment to the street,” said Thalia. “At which point I realized I had forgotten my phone and walked back up. The friction between my thighs was already so tremendous that it was starting to smoke. That’s when I saw the first sparks.”
Thalia’s thighs continued to powerfully rub together as she walked down the street, until they finally kindled a beautiful and robust fire.
“At first I was shocked and even frightened that my chafing inner thighs had managed to ignite a flame,” said Thalia. “But then I took a deep breath and realized the situation really put me in touch with my womanhood. This must be how cavewomen first discovered fire.”
Always one to see the glass as half full, Thalia went out of her way to make the best of her unique situation.
“As I was transfixed by the glowing flames, a group of schoolchildren approached,” said Thalia. “My first instinct was to protect them from the fire, but before I knew it, they had grabbed sticks and marshmallows and were making s’mores.”
Despite Thalia’s ability to turn her thigh fire into a beautiful opportunity for community bonding, other witnesses weren’t able to keep stride with her positive attitude.
“She was on fire!” said a witness who called the fire department and put an end to the moving scene. “I think she should probably see a doctor or lube up her thighs or something.”
However, Thalia doesn’t see it that way.
“My thighs are never going to stop chafing in the summer,” said Thalia. “I might as well embrace the power of my bodily functions. If I end up setting off a few fire alarms, so be it.”
Keep blazing the trail with your fiery thighs, girl!