No makeup look is complete without filling in your eyebrows. Defined brows look cute and, more importantly, make it seem like you have the ability to process emotions, which you obviously can’t. These eyebrow products are ideal for drawing on concern and interest, since you’re a sociopath and are unable feel them naturally.
Benefit Gimme Brow
This tinted brow gel will plump up your brow hairs, making them appear longer and fuller. By using this product you will easily be able to achieve that Cara Delevingne look, and also the look of an emotionally functioning human being, which Cara Delevingne also is! Try imitating her and see if it stirs up anything inside of you.
E.L.F Eyebrow Kit
This kit includes powder, wax, a mirror, and a brush. With these four components you will easily be able to sculpt your brows into something that will distract from your dead, unfeeling eyes. The best part is that this kit only costs a few dollars, which is cheaper than therapy and easier than selling more of your grandmother’s heirloom jewelry on eBay.
Laura Mercier Brow Definer
This shaping is tool is helpful, as you can fit any occasion (remember, funerals are sad!) When you use this product to create a slightly furrowed brow, everyone will be convinced that you are sad, even though on the inside you’re just a cavernous hole of apathy.
Anastasia Brow Wiz
This pencil is a favorite in the beauty world and can be used to perfectly define your brows. With a spoolie on one end and a retractable brow color on the other, this is a great tool for creating arches that make it look like you feel something, anything at all, you vacant monster.
MAC Clear Brow Set
This clear gel is great for setting your filled-in brows to keep them in place all day. If you have a big social event ahead of you, pop this gel on and let your brows do the talking. Now no one will even notice the tremendous darkness that lurks behind your callous, indifferent face.
Urban Decay Brow Box
This little box has it all: powder, wax, a brush, and even a tweezer. Be careful not to go too heavy on the powder, or everyone will assume that you’re not feeling well, even as you repeatedly tell them in your dull, monotone voice, “No, I’m fine.”
It’s exhausting trying to fake emotion, so use these products instead. Once your brows are on, everyone will be saying, “Maybe she isn’t a robot.” Emotion you can buy at the drugstore–what a steal!
