There’s no greater gift than the current contents of your junk drawer. Christmas is right around the corner, and what better way to count down to the birth of our Lord than by pawning off your odds and ends on your loved ones in the form of a homemade Advent calendar? There are tons of ways to craft a Pinterest-worthy Advent calendar, so let’s empty those junk drawers and get giving!
Create Your Vessel
Finally do something with all those toilet paper rolls you can’t bother to take out of the bathroom, assemble that monstrous pile of shoeboxes into a giant tree shape, or just fill a garbage bag and force your friends and family to pick something out of it every day for the entire month of December. Be sure to number your days 1 to 24, or else, what are we doing here?
Pinpoint a Theme
Sweets. Seasonal crafts. Inspirational notes. Random trinkets that fit in the palm of your hand and block the sliding mechanism of your favorite, most convenient drawer. Whatever theme you choose, know that when you give a handmade gift, you’re covered under the gift-giving rule applied to children: “It’s the thought that counts.” If the person on the receiving end is a good person, a seasonal treat will be just as welcome as a set of return address stickers from the ASPCA.
Divide and Conquer
Depending on the density of your junk drawer, divvy up the contents into 24 equal parts, taking into consideration the joy of opening an Advent calendar day to more junk than the day before. Consider adding specialty, hard-to-find items to make the daily grind speed by in a jiffy. For instance, those little binder clips that don’t open wide enough to hold anything, rubber bands that have lost 90% of their elasticity, Chapstick tubes that require pinky-nail-digging in order to be used, to or the keys to multiple places of work that you never returned after you were let go.
Deliver and Display your Masterpiece
Not only have you successfully cleared out your junk drawer, you’ve made someone’s winter dreams come true! Revel in your mastery of arts and crafts and sainthood as you watch your closest friends and lovers offer mandatory thanks. You’re delivering cheer!
There you have it: the perfect plan for getting rid of your shit, making a craft, praising Christ’s birth, and giving gifts without spending any money. You might be a sad excuse for an adult woman, but at least you’re festive!