So you’ve just met a guy who says he works in tech, and you have the sneaking suspicion that he owns an NBA team and like, four Teslas. But these days, it can be tough to tell which dudes are real deal billionaires and which dudes are just wearing sneakers. Take this quiz to find out.
What’s his personal style like?
a.) He wears the same exact outfit every day and says it’s because he doesn’t want fashion to take up any space in his brain. It’s so deep!
b.) He doesn’t dress super well but he’s always wears new sneakers. Only a really rich guy would dress like that, right? He clearly doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone, including me.
What’s his Instagram account like?
a.) He doesn’t have one! He refuses to use both Instagram and Facebook because of some “personal feud” with Mark Zuckerberg. So cute.
b.) It’s mostly pictures of himself in that crouched down low to the ground pose that kids do these days – he like, needs his feet to be in every picture.
Has he ever had to take a last-minute international flight to “close a major deal”?
a.) Yes! This happens almost weekly.
b.) No, definitely not. He mostly talks about how his “fresh to death sneaks” were the biggest impulse buy he’s made since 2011 and he’s never been happier.
Is he ever resistant to walk through a baseball diamond or unkempt field?
a.) Nope! Whenever we go through walks in the park, he likes to cut right through dusty baseball diamonds—even when there’s a little league game on. He says he has a whole room of shoes like the ones he’s wearing so he’ll just throw these ones out if they get dirty.
b.) All the time! He always needs to be on the sidewalk, and has the street cleaning schedule memorized for every block of the city. He even refuses to go outside if there’s more than a 30% chance of rain.
Congrats girl, you landed the big kahuna! Your new beau has created some kind of app that is probably stealing all of America’s data and selling it to the highest bidder, but who cares! Play your cards right and you could have a very cushy future ahead of you.
Sorry girl, he’s just a dude who appears rich because he has the confidence to wear sneakers on a daily basis, with any outfit! We’ve all been duped by one of these types before. All you can do is throw him back into the river and keep on fishing. The tech giant of your dreams is out there somewhere!