It’s the kind of thing that keeps women up at night— the fear that their office bowel movements might be meticulously noted by those around them. For the employees of insurance boutique Wasser & Voss, that nightmare became a reality.
“For the last few weeks, I’ve been getting untraceable emails,” she explains. Each contained an MP4 video of Hassen’s own shoes, taken from the bathroom stall adjacent to hers. “I ignored them at first, but eventually I was getting one almost every day. When I finally opened one of the videos, I realized that it included very high-quality audio of my own noisy, ploopy shits,” she notes. “It was a dark time for me.”
Other women at the midsize company, who wished to remain anonymous, have filed similar claims. Each stated that she had been receiving anonymous videos of herself dropping stanky dookies in the office women’s restroom, accompanied by messages such as, “Nice shoes, pooper. Should I share?”
“For now,” says one threat recipient, “I’ve been crapping across the street in the Subway bathroom.” Says another, “I went on a few dates with a lady who works on another floor just so I could make a copy of her bathroom key.”
The company’s support team so far has no leads on the case. “We haven’t been able to track down the culprit,” says Carla Shaw, IT director. “The threats have been coming from an anonymous email address with a hidden IP. Whoever is sending these videos has been very clever, and also seems to strongly oppose poo-pooing in the office. Hmm.”
Inevitably, if the threats continue, more women will have to come forward– which, of course, means admitting that they’ve shat a couple of foodbricks themselves in the company restroom.
“My advice to women?” adds Shaw. “Lay off the greasy food, put some tape over it, and save it for your home-john. I’ve been doing that since day one, and I’m up for a promotion.”