If you’re a lady with a sports-loving boyfriend, you know there’s a lot going on during fantasy team season. You support his hobbies, but also get very bored sometimes and can’t get him to notice. So here are some cool ways to sabotage his team because even though verbally expressing feelings is possible, ruining things is much more entertaining cause honestly you’re really bored right now.
Tell Him Secret Info You Heard From a “Friend”
Explaining to your man directly that you’re bored and wanna do something doesn’t usually give you interesting results. What will be interesting is if you tell your boyf that you heard from your friend whose brother is a physical therapist that Antonio Brown has a secret ankle injury that SportsCenter doesn’t even know about yet. By the time he realizes this is false, he will already have Brown on the bench and you can watch his meltdown like it’s a new TV show. This is much easier than outright telling him you need attention!
Write Misinformation About the Patriots on Your Panties
Combine your boyfriend’s two favorite things—sports and sex—when you toss your panties written with fantasy team info into his lap. His brain will short circuit trying to decide what he cares about more—that, according to your note, the Pats will be testing out entirely new offensive formations this week, or that you’re naked from the waist down and waiting for him. Get some much needed sexual attention, then sit back and watch the fireworks on Monday night when the Patriots win, just like the odds said they would. Finally, something to keep Mondays from boring you to death!
Take Forever to Cum
This is not easy to accomplish, but it’ll keep his mind off his fantasy team for a while because he can’t think about them during sex or he will come. For best results, stave off your orgasm until just after the first kickoff. His week will be ruined, but yours will be suddenly filled with a lot of interesting highs and lows you can talk about on Monday morning. And finally, hopefully, he will get the hint that you are bored and have more needs than just watching him deal with his fantasy team.
Hack His Team Entirely
Sure, it’s a huge breach of privacy, but you’re super bored and he always leaves his Yahoo Sports page open on his computer. Next time he takes a shower, go in there and start playing hacky-sack with his players, putting all his QBs on the bench this week. The key here is to get in right before the lineup has to be set so he doesn’t even notice it happened. Then come to terms with the fact that you have betrayed his trust, but it was worth it because, uuuuugh, there’s nothing to do in this place!
Next time your boyfriend hasn’t noticed you in a while, create a little chaos in your lives by fucking with his fantasy team. Maybe next time he will know better than to have a life instead of focusing all his energy on you.