Convince Everyone You Enjoy Outdoor Concerts This Summer!

concert - reductress

There’s a lot of pressure to enjoy music in the open air this season, or at least to put on a convincing façade until everyone is ready to leave and you can get a ride home. Here are some things that will make your friends think you enjoy listening to music in a dangerously crowded cow pen under the boiling sun:
 
 
Tell your friends you, “feel so connected to everyone.”
You may not know where your leg and this stranger’s penis begins, but pretending that you’re totally cool with it shows your friends that you’re totally laid back and cool about it.
 
 
Say “Yes” to face painting!
This is a super cool way to seem like you’re fine with bearded men touching you! If you’re uncomfortable with this strange man smearing glitter across your forehead, talk about how many cool bugs are out today, or ask if he’s really is Native American or if he’s just dressing like one?
 
 
Accessorize whimsically.
The right accessories can make anyone seem like they’re psyched to stand barefoot for seven hours surrounded by human and animal waste. Put on a wreath of nylon flowers and forego a normal shirt for a neon bikini top. Fellow concert attendees will look at you and think, “Magicke Musique Faerie Babe!” Which sounds like a good thing!
 
 
Embrace the lack of plumbing.
You will eventually have to visit the Port-a-potty. Loudly announce, “I’m not some Wall Street Fat Cat that needs toilet paper.” Then wait in line to buy a $4 bottle of Dasani. Hydration is key to maintaining your enthusiasm – and consciousness.
 
 
Do Drugs!
When all else fails, consume alcohol or a reliable amphetamine until you start having the time of your life that you were meant to have. Everyone will know you’ve really gotten into the concert spirit!
 
 
Outdoor concerts are a mindset; a mindset that you don’t have – yet! But by mimicking the behavior of other concertgoers, it may appear that you are truly one with the music.