Last night I was patrolling the browser history of the men in my family and saw that they had visited some of your “mommy blogs.” You posted a lot of pictures of yourself and your kids on family vacations, but the men in my family noticed something else: I think you know what you are doing, you MILFs!
I get it. You’re trying to express yourself. But what’s with the Christian wisdom? The kid-friendly craft ideas? The motherly words of advice? Stop reminding us of what a SEXY MOM you are. You are tempting every man’s basic instincts. Did you know men are attracted to mother figures and once they see you acting like a mother they cannot quickly un-see it. It’s true! Freud proved it.
Please realize I think you are a wonderful writer, even though you are a short-haired siren sent from Hell to tempt men and boys into impure thoughts. Your blog observations are often very insightful and occasionally it even seems like you are a human instead of a woman. Occasionally!
So, here’s the big bummer. Sometimes you offer words of caution to young girls. Words of caution are an ultimate fantasy that makes boys super hard, and it is not easy for them to get un-hard. To have a MILF telling a young girl she’s been naughty is the stuff boners are made of; it’s a science fact. I cannot abide by this. I have to block your blogs from my family computer. Lame, I know! But this is what I have to do as a superior sexless being who transcends nature as a true child of God.
MILFS! It’s not too late! If you want the men of MY family to look at your blogs for the RIGHT reasons you will RUN (but don’t speedwalk, you sneaky MILF!) to your computers and delete any and all signs of motherhood or womanhood in general from your mommy blogs. No pictures of dinner, no crafts, definitely no family vacation pics. All that “sweet” mommy stuff makes boys think about your penetrables and you know it.
Remember MILFs, it’s your fault that people see you as sex objects, so do what is right and hide. Bury all signs of being a mother. Bury them deep. Protect the men and boys of this world. They don’t need another trampy MILF causing them to gouge their eyes out like poor Oedipus.