Every time I see affirmative action come up in the news, I get a little uneasy. It’s not that I don’t think universities should be diverse – I do! It’s just that I believe educational institutions are sacred and because of that, admission should be based entirely on merit.
That is, Merit Wilkins, my grandpa, who donated the science building.
The point of attending a prestigious university is to be surrounded by the greatest minds and finest thinkers. My super white grandpa, Merit Wilkins, was a great thinker when he donated a whole building in honor of science! That’s just one reason why I think admission should solely be based on him specifically. In fact, all of my family thinks my admission should be based on Merit, my white grandpa. After all, I am based on him, genetically speaking, and it’s only fair that I get what I’ve earned.
Have you seen the science building? It’s stunning. My grandpa Merit “Merit” Wilkins donated it with hard earned money he made from his father before him, and I’ve been looking forward to reaping the benefits of my privilege since before I can remember! Other kids might have had posters of pop stars or movies on the walls of their childhood bedrooms. But not me! I had a room full of rally flags and a grandfather who used to say, “Someday you’ll attend my alma mater. I made sure of it by giving them five million dollars in 1982.”
No government policy meant to “level the playing field” by undoing centuries of systemic oppression can take that away from me! I’m a Wilkins! Yes, the same Wilkins as the science building!
And, sure, maybe another, more diverse candidate has better grades than me. Or more extracurricular activities. But you know what that person doesn’t have? Merit! My white grandpa who donated a science building as well as that fountain that’s outside the university social club that used to not allow Jews!
Maybe it doesn’t sound fair to some, but a system based on Merit ensures that students have the incentive to work hard in order to get into the college of their dreams. No free passes! It also ensures that I, Merit Wilkins III, will get into the school of my dreams because my white grandpa sunk a ton of money into the science department. He was a scientist. I’ll probably major in, I don’t know, humanities? Is that a thing? As long as I don’t have any classes inside that science building. I bet they’re so hard!
College is an incredible opportunity and should be an option to every high school grad, regardless of race. As long as they are a direct relative of Merit Wilkins, like me!