Candie’s Shoes to Buy With That Kohl’s Gift Card Aunt Sue Insisted on Giving You

Candie’s Platform Clogs ($59.99)

Isn’t it fun how cyclical fashion is! Although these don’t have hard enough soles for you to stomp like a cute elephant in a crop top, these chunky shoes are just sensible enough to drain the gift card on. Then you’ll wait in the car as Aunt Sue swims in the Jennifer Lopez Collection because what IS Kohl’s? It’s how Middle America does sexy.