On a recent road trip, 28-year-old Karin Glarer turned to her friends and said, ‘Can we find a bathroom? I think I’m gonna throw up,” which everyone in the car understood was code for “I am about to have explosive diarrhea. This is not a drill.”
“Something came over me and I got really queasy,” says Glarer. “Sometimes I get like that in cars.”
“I had to find a bathroom because my stomach was really upset,” added Glarer, whose stomach was upset, just not in the way she claimed.
The women had decided to take a road trip to celebrate Glarer’s recent engagement. At the time of Glarer’s desperate plea to find a bathroom, they were about one hour from their destination but understood how urgent these needs can be.
“Every time I have to ‘throw up’, by which I mean have violent unforgiving diarrhea, I need to relieve myself within five minutes,” says Anni Lerman. “We all understood how soon Karin’s shit was coming. Sorry, I mean ‘puke.’”
“Oh yeah, Karin for sure needed to shit her brains out,” says Kelly Bord. “She ate two bean and cheese burritos from Taco Bell four hours ago. Of course Karin’s asshole is about to destroy her. Maybe she was puking, out of her butt.”
Sources close to Karin confirm she doesn’t just play off her bowel movements as food poisoning.
“The other night her stomach made a giant sound, the kind of noise that happens when you’re digesting and need to relieve yourself,” says her fiancé Jore Coleman. “She said, ‘Oh gosh, I’m starving’ then quickly ran to the bathroom, ran the water and proceeded to exorcise herself of her fiery shit.”
But despite her friends and family knowing that Karin really needs to turd it up big time when she mentions having to vomit, Karin has no plans to stop using code words when it comes to her horrible shits.
“Super sorry about that,” said known pooper and huge liar Karin to her friends, “I think it was like, acid reflux or something.”
“Why did I light the candle?” says Karin in the wake of her shit bomb. “The scent makes me less nauseous.”