Feeling emboldened after finally reading Eat Pray Love, Megan Jansen’s 60-year-old suburban mom Linda decided to throw caution to the wind and try one of “those weird avocado toasts you all keep talking about” for the first time.
“I’ve reached a point of my life where I want to explore and try new things, and I’m going to start with those weird things my daughter eats all the time,” reported Linda, who appears to believe that eating avocado is an incredibly brave act even though it’s been available as a sandwich topping at Subway for most of the last decade.
“I’m gonna do it. I’m a new woman!” Linda proclaimed while flipping through the latest Kohl’s ad.
Linda’s daughter was confused about several aspects of this development. “This is a big deal for my mom,” explained Megan. “Usually, whenever I eat anything that isn’t white bread or bland chicken, she just leers at the plate and says ‘Oh, well isn’t that…different.’”
Linda was unfazed when her daughter tried to explain that avocados have been a part of mainstream food culture for years, and begged her to pick one up the next time she went to “your fancy kid” grocery store. Megan explained to us that she sometimes shops at Whole Foods, although avocados are found in most grocery stores.
Megan reluctantly agreed to buy an avocado for her mom and hand it off to her after she got off work but before her favorite Lifetime show, Kim of Queens, came on.
Sources confirmed that Linda eventually ate part of the avocado after letting it ripen for way too long. She declared to roughly 50 friends that it was bizarre, overrated, and “not something she’d try again.”
“Next time Megan tries to take me to some freaky café, I will not be trying the mookamoolie or whatever it’s called.”