Attractive Woman Just Finds Thongs More Comfortable

In spite of widespread disagreement, Columbia grad student and all-around attractive woman Andrea Paolini claims she just finds thongs “more comfortable” than other underwear.

 

“They don’t bother me at all,” Paolini says, tossing her long auburn hair behind her shoulders. “I’ve always found thongs more comfortable than briefs or boyshorts or bikini bottoms because they’re made from less fabric, which makes me feel free.”

 

“It doesn’t make any sense,” says Mandy Gao, a friend of Paolini’s. “Thongs are like dental floss for your ass because when they ride up into your butthole they make it bleed. I love Andrea, but there’s no way they’re more comfortable.”

 

However, Paolini, who is very attractive, insists that she truly finds the asscheek-threading underwear “just easier to wear.”

 

Gao suspects something sinister might be at play.

 

“In my mind, it just makes sense that Andrea has achieved such a state of natural, flawless sexiness that she truly believes she’s finding thongs more comfortable,” says Gao. “It’s as if she unlocked this ability to find anything sexy more enjoyable, even when it’s not.”

 

Paolini disagrees.

 

“Thongs are better to wear when you’re wearing things like super-tight white jeans, super-tight skirts, really tight, tight pants or tighty, tight-tight dresses—basically anything you could see panty lines through,” Paolini explains. “You know, clothes for all women.”

 

 

Friend Jessica Hernandez disagrees, offering that the most comfortable type of underwear is a five-year old pair of boyshorts from Aerie that have a pattern of little cartoons skiing down a mountain on it.

 

“It covers up your butt too and not just your vagina,” Hernandez explains. “Thongs are underwear only for the front half, and that doesn’t make any sense to me.”

 

Though Paolini insists that thongs rest comfortably in her asscrack like a strip of soft, lavender-scented dryer sheet, Hernandez insists that thongs feel like a wooden boomerang being thrown into the abyss of her anal cavity.

 

“But then again, I’m only like a 6.5 or a 7,” Hernandez speculates. “Andrea is undeniably a 10. And I think that has something to do with our difference of opinion. But that’s just my theory.”

 

At the conclusion of the interview, Paolini left to change into a pair of high-waisted pants and a crop-top, which she described as “so freeing” for her midriff.

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