Ask That One OB Tampon in Your Purse

Dear OB Tampon in My Purse,

All of my friends had really swanky internships in college. Now they have these awesome, high-paying media positions, while I work a low-level clerical job at my local news station and part-time at a yarn store. Is an internship really the only way to start your career?

– Tangled in Student Debt

 

Dear Tangled,

Of course not! While internships can be an apparatus that allows one to get in quickly and neatly, sometimes the fastest and most user-friendly way isn’t the best. Don’t you want to feel like you’ve rolled up your sleeves and gotten your hands dirty? Ultimately, it’s more rewarding to you that you didn’t need some fancy “chute” to get where you are—you got there through good, honest hard work, pushing your way forward, even though it wasn’t always comfortable. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Dear Tampon,

My new boyfriend is circumcised, and I’ve only been with guys who aren’t. I’m nervous about what to do during sex. Help!

– Old Fashioned

 

Dear Old Fashioned,

Gosh, are you from Europe? All kidding aside, it’s natural to be afraid of things that aren’t in the containers that we’ve grown accustomed to over the years. However, a circumcised penis is streamlined and simpler, without all the waste. Plus, he’s more eco-friendly by needing less effort and resources for washing—why would you ever want to deal with that needless sheath?

 

 

Dear Tampon,

I’m in serious trouble—I just killed my roommate and tried to dispose of the evidence by hacking her into smaller pieces in the kitchen sink. I’m covered and blood and the pieces won’t fit down the drain.

– I Told Her It’s MY Sodastream

 

Dear Sodastream,

Everything will be easier if you relax. First, wash your hands. If doing this properly, your fingers shouldn’t be covered in blood! Making a pocket out of an absorbent material while handling the bloody parts will keep your hands clean and dry. As for that stubborn drain, take a deep breath and try moving slowly, and guide the pieces in at an angle. Hopefully this will make you feel more confident and at ease for the next six to eight hours. Good luck!

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