A mere month ago, Joanna Spellman was just an ordinary woman with embarrassingly placed shirt stains. Now, many consider her a local hero. Spellman is being hailed as the first person in the state of Kansas to find an effective way to address the Great Bend’s ongoing drought problem. Her pitch: Utilize the gallons of her boob sweat going to waste every day.
“I was outside playing with my dog one day and everything was, as usual, just so, so dry – my hair, my face, my mouth,” she says. “But there was just one place that was like an active geyser midst this Sahara desert, and that was the area under my boobs, inside my sports bra. That’s when it really hit me.”
The process that she embarked was grueling. Spellman spent months modifying her home and daily behaviors to ensure that she could produce as much boob sweat as possible.
“It was quite the journey to get here,” she says. “I turned up the heat in my apartment, started wearing sports bra full time, and consistently put myself in stressful situations so my body would just go to town sweat-wise. To be perfectly honest though, it wasn’t that much different than how much I sweat on a usual basis. I’m pretty much just really sweaty all the time for no reason.”
Spellman says her inspirations include revolutionary and historic female scientists Marie Curie and Rachel Carson.
“A lot of people told me I would never find a use for my boob-sweat, that I was crazy for trying,” Spellman says. “Others said that farmers wouldn’t want to irrigate their land with my boob juice. Some other people said that for sure no one would want to drink it. Well, they sort of right, but mostly wrong.”
So what’s next for the young, brilliant inventor?
“I’m trying to keep it on the hush hush, but let’s just say your kegel exercises can do more than just power an orgasm.”
Wow. Joanna Spellman is living proof you don’t need much to make a difference in the world. Just a hot limp tit and a dream.